第四百六十章 夫人们的逆袭
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汉献帝虽然因为血燕组的严密控制,从来没有享用过美女,但见到的的确不少,并且由于苦心钻研,古往今来的佳丽更是如数家珍。更多小说ltxs520.com他一直在想,这一次的天下选后,一定会选出一位,前朝赵飞燕皇后或是西施那般容貌的皇后。
然而如今新人就在面前,竟然体胖如猪,破锣声音,与他心中所想大相径庭。汉献帝就此大惊失色,呼道:“丞相,是否错了!”
“错了?”秦峰一笑,摊手道:“没错!”
汉献帝望秦峰诡异的笑容,顿时肝胆俱裂。“不,朕绝对不会娶这样的女子为后!”说完,面红耳赤,甩着独臂袖口欲走。
百官见汉献帝转身,大惊失色,心说什么情况?
蓬!汉献帝低头狂奔两步,就撞到了一堵墙,抬头看时,光亮的脑袋耀眼。
胡车儿黑头黑脸,挠了挠光头,唬道:“陛下,去哪里呀?”
“哇!”汉献帝见到竟然是黑衣卫统领胡车儿,顿时尾巴骨一凉,瞬间软了,急道:“无事,无事……。”
于是乎,汉献帝就成行尸走肉一般,在礼官的摆布下,完成了庙见、朝见、庆贺、颁诏、筵宴等仪式。
筵宴上,高居龙台的汉献帝,虽然强颜欢笑接受着百官的祝福,但内心已经滴血。他在心中声声呐喊,“为什么,为什么!朕好命苦!朕竟然娶了这样一位皇后,必定被天下人耻笑,遗臭万年!”
“陛下,本相敬陛下一杯!”秦峰起身说道。心说范桐归你,其余百名佳丽。可就归爷我分配了。
“丞相,有劳了!”汉献帝五官都扭曲了,但为了活着,他猛然放开了一切。就此频频举杯,他要用酒来麻醉自己。忘却一切的忧愁。
秦峰不免对百官说道:“看,陛下多开心啊,幸亏选了范桐,若是她人,可就入不得陛下法眼了。”
俗话说人逢喜事千杯少,百官见汉献帝模样。唏嘘不已。“原来陛下喜欢胖的……。”
“丞相英明……。”百官说道。
夜深了,秦峰与百官离去。
醉酒的汉献帝东倒西歪,在内侍的搀扶来,进入了甘泉宫。
当宫女内侍离开后,寝宫内就剩下了汉献帝与凤塌上等待的范桐。
范桐虽然脾气暴躁,但在这新婚初夜。难得矜持了一把。然而见汉献帝半天没有动静,就此一把将红盖头拽下来,呼道:“喂,皇帝,大晚上不睡觉,干坐着做什么?”亏她还记得来时长辈女性的教导,只有圆房了才是真正的皇后。若是生个儿子,以后还能当太后。
汉献帝等了十几年,本来以为这一次终于能够尝到女人的滋味,却是没想到,眼前竟然是这样一位“佳丽”。
然而,后世有言,当兵有三年,母猪赛貂蝉。汉献帝不知妹子滋味的寂寞谁能懂!“蒙住头,剩下的应该就一样了吧!”汉献帝如此想着,便走了过去。
于是乎。甘泉宫中传来了奇怪的声音。
“哇!你蒙住本后做什么,本后无法喘息了!”
“呜哇!生活如此美妙!”一声破锣般的尖叫后,天上皎洁的月亮,恶心的躲到了云彩后面。
来日一早,甘泉宫外面昏沉沉的。原来是太阳被凤塌上露出的猪皮恶心到,不愿意在这里上班了。
“啊!”一声惨叫在甘泉宫内回荡。汉献帝醒来后,便见身旁一人,鼾声如雷,鼻孔朝天,露出鼻毛,大张着嘴巴留着口水,呼呼大睡。腹大如鼓,皮肤上的毛孔米粒大小,毛孔中粗大的汗毛随风摇摆如草丛。
汉献帝醒过味来,隔夜饭差一点吐出,就甩着独臂下床,惊呼道:“不,朕绝不会与这样猪猡一般的女人生活一辈子,朕要美女,美女!”
范桐被吵醒,听到这番话后大怒,顿时暴躁了起来,翻身爬起,带着一身抖动的赘肉,一把便抓住了瘦弱的汉献帝,怒道:“本后没有嫌弃你小子是个残疾,你到是嫌弃本后体胖,你昨天晚上与本后玩的时候,怎么只见你爽的哼哼!”
汉献帝望着眼前被肚兜红绳勒出来的肥肉,一团团的颤动,每一团少说七八斤,想到昨天竟然在这样的猪体上玩耍,顿时脸色惨白作呕!他无法面对现实,红着眼睛咆哮道:“不!朕绝对没有与你发生哪些事情,朕绝对没有!”
啪啪啪……,范桐能当皇后,背后有秦峰撑腰,几巴掌就将汉献帝扇成了猪头,怒斥道:“可恶,吃干抹净不认账了!你以为天子就了不起了吗!”
啪啪啪……。“嗷嗷……!”范桐暴躁中反手就将汉献帝放翻在地,一阵拳打脚踢,最后一腚坐在汉献帝瘦弱的腰上。
“啊!汉献帝便感到被一座大山压住一般,腰间盘吱吱作响,剧痛难挡。他举起唯一的手臂惨呼道:“救驾!救驾!”
然而宫中都是秦峰的人,早就收到了消息,所以无人来管。汉献帝屈打成招,最终呼道:“朕认了,认了,皇后,不要再打朕了!”
暴躁中的范桐一时收不住手,就此呼道:“生活如此美妙,本后绝对不能暴躁……。”这句话果然有奇效,范桐渐渐冷静了下来。
汉献帝流下了泪水,默想着:“老天爷,为什么,朕身为大汉的天子,生活如此凄惨!”
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