001 序章
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晓峰是走了什么狗屎运,竟然能搭上一直不对眼的副将的门路,而且还能去兜率宫走一趟,这一趟说不定就能转正了!
李晓峰骑着自己从天界二手市场淘换来的凤凰牌自行车,嘎吱嘎吱的往兜率宫去了。这还是他预支了十年的薪水才按揭到的,别看样式老旧,但也是天工鲁班帐下
亲传弟子的作品,清洁环保不费油,属于低碳型的交通工具。当然说这破车有多好那还就是扯淡,主要天庭核心区域地价实在离谱,在那租房神仙都得卖血,李晓峰也就只能在郊区凑合,然而天界实在大得离谱,从边缘的郊区到核心区随便就是个几万公里,没有个代步的工具上下班还真要迟到,否则打死他也不会买这么个破玩
意。
李晓峰潇洒的去兜率宫报道了,可接班的这位却把这事记在了心里,跟后面接班的兄弟一说,感叹了几句李晓峰的狗屎运,似乎有些后悔十年来对此人太冷淡,不然早点示好的话,说不定还能搭上顺风车。
这位说得口水与唾沫齐飞,听的那位却很不屑的哼了一声,顺便还给了说话这位一个卫生眼,直接冷笑道:“你以为那小子真是走运了,醒醒你的春秋大梦吧!你也不算算日子!还转正,只怕如今这会儿那小子已经神形俱灭了吧!”
“算日子?”这位一愣,反问道:“我出门看了黄历啊,今天不是什么大日子啊!”
“你糊涂了不是,忘了五百年一遇的天劫?”
“天劫!”这位抓抓后脑勺,“距上一次不是才过了二百五十年吗?”
说的这位又冷笑了一声:“你糊涂阿,纸面上的数字能做得了准?上一次还说管一千年,结果五百年不到就捅破了天。再说你还不明白咱们天庭建筑工程的水分,多少神仙就等着这一块发财,这五百你就得当二百五听!”
听的这一位猛的一拍脑门,冷汗都下来了:“我怎么忘了这一茬,老哥,你说这一回老君和赵星君能落下多少好处?”
说的这位一伸手掌比了个数字:“怎么的也得是这个数!”
李晓峰当然不知道这二位的窃窃私语,进了兜率宫在一个美女仙官的指示下签了一堆用天书撰写的合同之后,就被发给了一粒九转金丹。说实话这可是不可多得的
好东西,据说一粒就能让凡人脱胎换骨构筑仙基。李晓峰实在想不通自己签了什么,换来了这等宝物,他可是知道就算把他卖了也买不起一点这金丹的药粉。
这傻小子怎么也不知道,他还就是被卖了。自打女娲补天起,整个仙界就算埋下了一颗定时炸弹,女娲再大能再牛也不可能逆天而行,如今原装的天都破了,哪里是后天的玩意能补得上的。所以补上的这个窟窿是有使用寿命的,过那么几千年就要再补一回。
当然女娲娘娘是慈悲的大神,她老人家是一心为民,自然不会偷工减料,可后辈这些神仙就没那么好的操守了,五色石乃是上古灵石,是稀罕的宝贝!
既然是宝贝就有人觊觎,于是后辈的神仙们想出了缺大德的偷工减料的办法,五色石因为有灵,所以才能补天,而人为万物之灵,灵性虽然没有五色石大,但也
总归是有灵的东西,当然从下届虏人补天有伤天和,神仙虽然腹黑但不能黑得这么直白。再说了普通人灵性有限,恐怕屠光了人类才能补天。用人不行就只能退而求其次,神仙是人变的,自然神仙的仙体就更不同于凡人,灵性更大,乃是替代五色石的最好原料。
当然,哪怕是玉皇大帝也不能随便牺牲神仙去补天,这毕竟有点不和谐,容易激起内部矛盾。但是天兵就不一样了,既没有神仙金贵,数量又不在少数,更不会有神仙吃饱了关心他们的死活,还能空出一批编制解决冗员问题,拿来补天是再合适不过。
所以李晓峰刚刚将这粒九转金丹塞进嘴里,他身后那个原本和颜悦色的女天官就变了脸色,顿时手起刀落,一记手刀就砍在他的后脑勺上。可怜的李晓峰还没明白九转金丹是啥滋味,就像个破口袋一样栽倒在地,饶是如此那美女天官还在跳脚骂街:
“挨千刀的王八蛋,你怎么就吃了呢!这下老娘的损失可就大了!”
感情天兵虽然可以补天,但是灵性有限,所以老君就派下了九转金丹补强身子,但是话又说回来,这九转金丹也是宝贝,自然也有人惦记,本来就是拿出来做做
样子,但李晓峰来得直接,一口吞了。你说她怎么会不气,女人生气后果自然很严重,于是可怜的李晓峰被拖死狗一样的拉进了一间小黑屋收拾得那个惨……
“老李,你这用料也太单薄了一点吧!”财神爷看着太上老君的用料配比,不禁有些担心,“这些天兵的根底都太单薄了,炼出来的灵石太过于脆弱,你总得像上回一样多少意思点好料。天破了可是开不得玩笑的!”
太上老君将长须一捋,轻描淡写道:“老赵,你的胆子就是太小,虽然灵石比不上五色石,但有了老夫的九转金丹总归撑个百八十年还是没问题的。你想想过那么百来年咱们又可以捞一票,做那么结实不是毁了自个的财路?这公家的东西不贪白不贪啊!”
财神爷心想也是这么个理,反正玉帝也没指望一回就能一劳永逸的解决问题,不过他生性谨慎还是提醒道:“算了吧,老李,你那金丹也是一年比一年假,我只
要你悠着点来,这一回老头子就有些不高兴,说你补的这天,是一回不顶一回了。咱们虽然干的是发财的买卖,但也得细水长流……”
“安啦!安啦!我办事你放心!”言罢,太上老君一摆袖子顺手将鼻青脸肿昏迷不醒的李
晓峰大头朝下塞进了八卦炉,吩咐道:“清风、明月,你们哥俩可不要偷懒,好好的看着炉火。本座和赵神君出去凉快凉快,七七四十九天后再回来再检查你们的工作!”
清风、明月相视无语,这丹房里温度可是不低,哪怕是神仙呆久了也受不了,而太上老君又是出了名的小气,上头批下来的购买空调的费用和高温补贴直接被老头塞进了自己荷包,只买了两台破电扇凑数。你说守着锅炉吹电扇能管用吗?
“命苦啊!”清风哀叹了一声就准备去加火,哪知道明月却是比他聪明,一把就将他拉住了,笑道:“兄弟,你这是准备加火?”
清风纳闷道:“不加火如何炼丹?”
明月奸笑道:“兄弟你就是太老实了,咱们在这热死热活的,可谁念着咱们的好了?再说,你又不是没听见师傅刚才怎么说的,能撑个百十年就行了。咱们烧那么旺干啥?这天总是要破的,反正总是要补的,不差咱们兄弟这点火候,多一年少一年又有什么区别?何必呢?又何苦呢?”
清风一想,这话他妈的太对了!连师傅都不当一回事,何必自找苦吃?就拿文火慢慢熬吧!不差那两年!
都说官僚主义害死人,可老天爷却仿佛跟李晓峰开了个大玩笑,不作为的官僚将他害死,不作为的官僚又准备害得他神形俱灭,但到了最后偏偏是偷奸耍滑的官僚给他留了一线生机。
若是清风明月把丹炉往死里烧,他还真免不了神形俱灭。但偏偏这两人怕热,只用慢火熬,再加上李晓峰幸运的将九转金丹抢到了嘴里,算是撑过了这七七四十九天的煎熬。
虽然三魂七魄都被炼化得残缺不全,但总归是保留了一口气在。和许多不幸的难兄难弟一起被当做“人造水泥”糊上天壁的时候,这个原本心态平和的年轻人已经满腔怒火,说实话,换做谁也咽不下这口气,如果这都不想报仇雪恨,那还真是妄为了一回人。
一年过去了,两年过去了,三年过去了……十年过去了,每一日李晓峰都想着挣脱禁锢他灵魂的灵石,老话说了愚公移山、精卫填海,滴水也能穿石。更何况这本
来还是豆腐渣工程,于是在某人的不懈努力之下,这些勉强糊住天壁的灵石以肉眼看不见的速度慢慢开裂,直到那一天随着一声剧烈的轰鸣,整个天都碎了,万事万物,不管神仙也好、凡人也好,就像一块被摔得粉碎的玻璃,炸得四分五裂,随着天地消亡,这一片天,这一片时空,只留下一个幽深的黑洞……
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