028 诺基亚、女人和熊(下)
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某三流仙人乒乒乓乓的射完两匣子子弹,却连一根熊毛都没伤着,可想而知某人的枪法有多臭了。
可某人自己却不这么想,对于自己被剃了光头,他完全归结于手中的沙鹰不好用。但是这厮也不看看,他模仿好莱坞大片中各路英雄飒爽的射击姿态,瞄都不瞄还双枪齐发,能打中就怪了。
不过某人的二把刀枪法也不是完全没有作用,至少他疯狂的倾泻子弹终于转移某只野兽的注意力,将仇恨完全拉到自己身上了。所以某大型野生动物毅然决然的放弃了继续调戏美女,转而奔向了某三流仙人,看样子是打算将这个打扰自己好事的混蛋一巴掌拍死。
不过话还是要说回来,三流仙人的枪法是臭了一点,但肉搏能力到真是给力,甚至是威武霸气。至少在一边围观的维多利亚是这么认为的。说真的,她觉得自己的眼珠子都要掉出来了。
当某熊以一招极其大气的力劈华山,准备一招秒杀某男的时候。某男轻轻松松的用跟熊掌极其不成比例的小嫩手搭了上去。在那一刹那,围观的美女惊叫着闭上了眼睛,以为接下来那一幕将会是一场不折不扣的三级血腥暴力片,估计某男会被某熊OOXX致死。
但是,在指缝的空隙中,美女顿时在风中凌乱了。预想中的OOXX场景确实发生了,但是攻受双方掉了个个。威武霸气的黑熊被某男直接一个过肩摔放到在地,在落地的那一刹那,维多利亚仿佛觉得大地都在颤动。
可怜的黑熊被摔了个狗吃屎,这可怜的畜生还没从满头金星的状态中恢复过来,就被某人死死的压在了胯下,雨点般的拳头像小榔头一样砸下来,开始这畜生还试图抵抗,但很快它就发现自己的人生就是一个茶几,它在错误的时间、错误的地点遇上了错误的人,结果就杯具加餐具了。
可怜的黑熊仿佛是被十几个大汉轮了一遍的小媳妇,小眼睛里眼泪哗哗的,不得不咬紧了爪子默默的承受。相反骑在它脖子上的某男却觉得畅快无比,这仿佛是打他幼儿园毕业之后,头一次在网络游戏之外的世界PK胜利,说实话,真的很爽!
“安德烈,熊太可怜了,你能不能停手?”美女在一边怯生生的劝道。
熊太可怜了?
某三流仙人顿时勃然大怒,尼玛你的屁股是坐在哪一边的。哥是帮你出气好不好。怎么到头来哥里外不是人了?
愤愤不平的某三流仙人又给了黑熊两下狠的,可怜的某熊实在是忍不住了,凄惨的哀嚎了两声。这时某男才发现,这头眼泪汪汪的黑熊看上去大概似乎仿佛有那么点可怜。
这头可怜的畜生几乎扒开了一层土,满头是包的大脑袋已经深深的埋进土坑里了,周围到处都是挣扎的痕迹,确实像是被虐待了的保护动物。
“真是没用!”某三流仙人很不屑的呸了一口,“下次再让我见了你,扒了你的皮做大衣!”
可怜的黑熊似乎听懂某人的威胁,赶紧呜呜的叫了两声,仿佛是在说我再也不敢了。
某人自觉得很有面子,抬起脚给了熊屁股一下,骂道:“那还不快滚,个丢人现眼的货!”
黑熊顿时如蒙大赦,使劲的点了点头,拔腿就准备闪人。但是无情的现实马上击碎了它的好梦。
“就这么放了?太可惜了!”维多利亚再也没有先头的惊慌失措和爱心泛滥,围绕着黑熊转了一圈,评头论足道:“你看这皮毛,你看这体格,卖给马戏团也值不少钱吧?”
某三流仙人马上反应过来了,似乎熊一身都是宝啊!熊皮是高档皮草,熊掌是名贵食材,嗯嗯,还有熊胆,后世不是流行活熊取胆么,对了还有熊鞭!
Li晓峰挠了挠头,貌似熊鞭不如虎鞭威猛吧?再说哥么大小是个仙人,不说一夜九次金枪不倒,搞定个把凡人女子也不需要借助外力!
再说了,就算熊身上都是宝贝,可一头熊又能有多少零件?满打满算也不值几个钱,反倒容易坏了名声。若是让后人提起来,一个个咬牙切齿的骂某某某见钱眼开满身铜臭,连活熊取胆这种生儿子没屁眼的事都干,那不是冤得慌。
基于此,某男立刻放弃了将这头黑熊大切八块的想法:“一头熊又能值几个钱,没啥意思!”
但是某美女可不这么看,她兴致高昂拍了拍黑熊的屁股说道:“你不想要,我要!我早就想养一头熊做宠物了,一直没机会……”
感情某美女是玩具熊玩腻了,准备养头活的过过瘾,不过她的话倒是提醒了某三流仙人——似乎养一头熊做宠物很拉风啊!想想后世那些没格调的也就是玩玩藏獒,哥么到时候牵头熊出去遛弯,吓死你们这些狗日的!
“你说的很对!”某男第一次对维多利亚的话表示了赞同,他高兴的拍了拍黑熊的脑门,大笑道:“从今天开始你就是我的宠物了,取个什么名字好呢?嗯,看你这一身黑皮和没用的德行,就叫小二黑吧!”
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