634 别无选择（下）
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“方虹，”林墨看着她，柔声说：“这就是我的生活。我环目四顾，哪怕他在千里之外，大洋彼岸，我似乎还生活在他的世界他的圈子里，你知道吗？”
倾诉一旦开始，便如同那漫过堤坝的水，再也阻不住。林墨说：“乍看起来，我似乎也有我自己的朋友，我的圈子，我的生活。我在青大，进进出出，认识的人着实不少。可除了你，除了极少数的一两个人，他们不过都是过客。我也许太早进入了他的那个圈子，认识了太多成熟的哥哥姐姐，周围的人看过去都觉得天真幼稚，而自己好像心理年龄很老了一样。”
她说：“那年过生，我第一次在大学里过生，他送给我一个信封。寝室里的人缠着我要看里面是什么，我坚决的没有答应。其实呢，是他把我爸爸那个连锁店剩余的股份都无偿转给了我。他写了封信，里面说，当年帮你父亲，小半是商业决定，大半是想要成全我的心愿。所以，把剩下的股份都转给我，让那个店真正成为我们家的店。他又说，你长大了，应该去自由翱翔。虽然我很不舍，但我还是会离你更远些，看着你去飞出自己的天空。”
林墨吸了吸鼻子，“可是……我回头看去，我的世界里一直就只有他一个男生。你说，我又能怎么办？”
方虹伸出手，揽住林墨的肩，“那……你没有想过要和他说吗？”
林墨轻轻的摇头，“他的恋情，我一段一段看过来，从甜蜜到分手。我看着她们，谁能比得上姐姐的风度魅力，和他的青梅竹马，谁又能比得上思宜姐的能干细致，生活中事业上都可以是好帮手，又有谁能比得上吴茵姐的漂亮温柔，几乎是千依百顺，还能独挡一面。可是呢，她们的结局，都逃不过一个分手。你知道，方虹，我看着她们，觉得自己就是只丑小鸭。我问自己，如果她们都做不到的，我凭什么有信心自己能做到？即使说了，即使有那么万分之一的可能我们开始了，等待着我的这个结局，我真的想要吗？……我和姐姐在眉山上闲聊的时候，我和思宜姐在香港逛街的时候，我和吴茵姐在她老家的屋里促膝夜谈的时候，我也委婉的问起过他们之间的往事和分手，她们或是一带而过，或是转开话题，但我能感觉到，那种无奈和痛楚还在那里。即使是他后来交过的瑞典金发女朋友，我也曾和她一起游过高原之城。她去年给我写来email，上面说，我去哥伦比亚了，凯瑟琳。他甚至没有礼貌的挽留一声，对此我有着深深的挫折感。如果人生是一出戏，他的戏里有太多的波折冲突，而我就像最忠实的观众，从头到尾一一看过来，最开始是替他们惋惜，到了后来……唉，却莫名的替自己惋惜起来。那简直就是不可能实现的任务-要一直一直留住他的心”
方虹沉默了好半晌，开口道：“我知道，这样说好像有些站着说话不腰疼。但……如果是那样的话，总要解脱出来啊”
林墨说：“是啊，我那时候设想的，就是等他结婚，快快的早早的结婚。我可是个很传统的人。不管心里还偶尔念想着什么，只有有一天他结婚了，我便可以安下心来永远做好一个妹妹的本份。有那么一段时间，我以为他和吴茵姐的婚礼就近在眼前了。可他……”
方虹开玩笑的安慰她，“可他，现在都堕落到和戏子一起混的地步了，不值得你一天想着他了，不是吗？”
林墨闭上眼，近乎呢喃的说：“是啊，不值得了……”
好半天，她睁开眼，凝视着方虹，“我原以为我是个理智强于感情的人。可惜……我好像错了”
方虹问：“怎么办呢？一直等下去么？等到他结婚，或是哪一天想通了来找你表白？”
林墨摇摇头，自嘲的笑笑，“是啊，我只有等。我知道这是最傻的办法，但除此之外，我并没有别的选择。”
（多谢支持）
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