第二节 心灵深处的创伤
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“那是我很小很小的时候，我已经不记得了，只是那恨一直留到今天。”她把“恨”说得特别重，“所以即使到现在四十多岁，只要听见有人敲玻璃，我就恨!”
在《读者文摘》上看到一篇《夏日之门》的书摘，作者领养了一个十一岁的麦克，也带来一连串的“灾难”。
那孩子摔东西、撞墙、打架、纵火，甚至挥拳打破双层玻璃窗。五年间，孩子的养父母换了几十个玻璃窗，补了许多墙上的破洞，扔了无数被砸碎的碟子、灯泡和玩具。
他们一次一次想放弃，又一次一次用宽恕和忍耐，把麦克留了下来。
因为他们由档案资料知道，麦克婴儿时没能得到好好的喂食，没人给他洗澡穿衣服，才十一个月就被人领养，离开生母，中间虽然回到妈妈身边一段时间，却不久又被送了出来。
“不能怪他，要同情他。”就在这谅解下，麦克终于获得了改造，有一天冲到养父母面前，哭着，抱着，叫出第一声“妈咪”和“爹地”。
读到这儿，我湿了眼眶。心想：这世上几个家庭对孩子能有如此的谅解？不要说对养子了，只怕对亲生的孩子都难有这样的耐心。
我又想，其实真正伤害孩子，影响他一生的，反而常是生身父母。
童年时父母生气时把作业撕得粉碎的记忆，孩子成年后可能对配偶爆发出来，剪碎一柜子的衣服，摔烂一厨房的碗盘。
幼年时父母互殴的画面，可能沉淀到心灵深处，成为后来婚姻的暴力；孩童时，被关在屋内的不平，可能三十多年之后，在银行做柜员时突然爆发。
想起著名的教育家尼尔在《夏山学校》那本书里，一开头说的话——
“问题儿童差不多都是由家庭教育不当而来……问题儿童就是不快乐的孩子，他在和自己作对，结果他便和这世界作对……问题成人也一样……所有世界上的罪恶、仇恨和战争，归根结底都可以追溯到人类的‘忧忧不乐’上去。”（王克难译·远流版）
我那银行的朋友终于辞去她在银行的工作。
我邻居的狗依然是众所周知的恶犬。
如果她不说，它的主人不说，有几人知道原因？有几人能够同情？
同样的道理，如果强奸犯不说，杀人犯不说，有几人知道他们可能有个“噩梦的童年”？
如果你我不反省，有几人知道我们今天不当的管教，可能给孩子心灵的伤害，影响他们一生？当一只全世界只剩几只的猛兽，对人扑过来时，如果你手上有枪，你是打死那野兽，还是任它去咬死人？
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