第二百一十二章 吓出屎来了
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猪八戒道：“这老儿说：此山叫做八百里狮驼山，中间有座狮驼Ｄ，Ｄ里有三个老妖，有四万八千小妖，专在那里吃人，我们若砰着他些山边儿，就是他口里食了，莫想去得！”
唐僧闻言，战战兢兢，毛骨悚然对刘晨道：“师兄，如何是好？”
刘晨好未说，孙悟空就上前笑道：“师父你放心，肯定没大事，想是这里有便有几个妖精，只是这里人胆小，把他就说出许多人，许多大，所以自惊自怪，不要怕，有我在，就算我不行，还有师伯！”
孙悟空闻言，暗自惊疑道：“这厮看见我了，若未看见，怎么就知我的名字，又知我会变苍蝇！”
原来那小妖也不曾见他，只是那魔头不知怎么就吩咐他这话，却是个从其他地方传来的传言，让他这等念。孙悟空不知，反疑被他看见，就要取出棒来打他，却又停住，暗想道：“曾记得猪八戒问金星时，他说老妖三个，小妖有四万七八千名，似这小妖，再多几万，也不打紧，却不知这三个老魔有多大手段，等我问他一问，动手不迟。”
好个孙悟空！你猜他怎么去问？跳下那妖精的帽子来，飞在树头上，让那小妖先行几步，急转身腾挪，也变做个小妖儿，照依他敲着梆，摇着铃，掮着旗，一般衣服，只是比他略长了三五寸，口里也那般念着，赶上前叫道：“走路的，等我一等。”
那小妖回头道：“你是哪里来的？”
孙悟空笑道：“你呀！一家人也不认得！”
小妖疑惑道：“我家没你呀。”
孙悟空道：“怎么没我？你认认看。”
小妖上上下下左左右右打量一番，摇头道：“面生，认不得！认不得！”
孙悟空道：“就是面生，我是烧火的，咱俩见的少。”
小妖摇头道：“没有！没有！我Ｄ里烧火的那些兄弟，也没有这个嘴尖的。”
孙悟空暗想道：“这个嘴好的变尖了些了。”即低头，把手侮着嘴揉一揉道：“我的嘴不尖啊。”一抬头，真个就不尖了。
那小妖疑惑道：“你刚才是个尖嘴，怎么揉一揉就不尖了？大不好认！不是我一家的！可疑可疑！我那大王家法甚严，烧火的只管烧火，巡山的只管巡山，终不然教你烧火，又教你来巡山？”
孙悟空机灵，就趁过来道：“你不知道，大王见我烧得火好，就升我来巡山。”
小妖道：“也罢！我们这巡山的，一班有四十名，十班共四百名，各自年貌，各自名色，大王怕我们乱了班次，不好点卯，一家与我们一个牌儿为号，你可有牌儿？”
孙悟空只见他那般打扮，那般喊话，遂照他的模样变了，却不曾看见他的牌儿，所以身上没有。孙悟空十分机灵，也不说没有，就满口应承道：“我怎么没牌？但只是刚才领的新牌，拿你的出来我先看看。”
那小妖哪里有什么脑子，即揭起衣服，贴身带着个金漆牌儿，穿条绒线绳儿，扯与孙悟空看。孙悟空见那牌背是个威镇诸魔的金牌，正面有三个大字——小钻风，他就心中暗想道：“如果俺老孙所料不错，只要是巡山的，必有个风字坠脚。”于是道：“好好好，等我拿牌儿你看。”即转身，Ｃ下手，将尾巴梢儿的小毫毛拔下一根，捻他把，叫声“变！”即变做个金漆牌儿，也穿上个绿绒绳儿，上书三个字，乃总钻风，拿出来，递与他看。
那小妖看了大惊道：“我们都叫做个小钻风，偏你怎么叫做个什么总钻风！”
孙悟空那么机灵，干事找绝，说话合宜，就道：“你有所不知，大王见我烧得火好，把我升个巡风，又与我个新牌，叫做总巡风，教我管你这一班四十名兄弟。”
那小妖闻言，即忙唱喏道：“长官，长官，实在是看您面生，言语冲撞，莫怪！莫怪！”
孙悟空还着礼笑道：“怪便不怪你，只是一件，见面钱却要哩，每人拿出五两来。”
小妖道：“应该的！应该的！长官新上任，见面钱是应该的，不过长官先不要忙，待我向南岭头会了我这一班的人，一块儿给您。”
孙悟空道：“既然如此，我和你同去。”那小妖真个前走，孙悟空随后相跟。
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