第一百三十一章 不只是自责
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但是此时说明却也不好，因为林允儿是不知道朴株永已经清楚这件事了。而且比她还早。所以她只能当做什么都不知道。然而回到宿舍，跟朴株永告别之后。趁着同房间玉ri正去洗澡的功夫，她忙不迭地给jessica打去电话的时候，却是已经关机了。
再给晸佑打过去，结果一样。之后又给李克穆打，李克穆倒是接通了。却表示他已经将晸佑送回家。至于其他，他就不清楚了。林允儿半信半疑地想了想，又要给新罗大酒店打电话，结果前台以不透露酒店情况为由，拒绝告知她任何信息。
林允儿咬着嘴唇，拿起衣服就要再次出门，此时的金泰妍已经从亲亲电台录制节目回来，随口还嘀咕刚刚晸佑真是气死人，打电话又调侃她的身高。
见林允儿好像要出门的样子，疑惑询问。林允儿沉默一会，却没有再出去，而是笑着跟她一起进屋聊天。这一晚，就这么平静度过了。
“这一晚，就这么平静度过吧？”
晸佑拽着要离开的jessica，轻笑开口。Jessica抿起嘴角，转头看着他。
晸佑抬头和她对视，不一会轻声道：“过了凌晨……就是你的生rì。不是吗？”
jessica一顿，突然用力挣脱他的手，转身就要朝外走。
晸佑没有拦她，只是在她即将开门离去的时候，开口说了一句话，让她不由自主地停下。
“认识你以来，第一次能陪你过的生rì……或许也是最后一个。”
jessica身子一颤，默然转头看着眯起笑眼的晸佑。
出神一会，晸佑笑着招手。
Jessica犹豫许久，后背轻轻将门倚上，慢慢走到他面前，默默坐下来。
晸佑看着她，支着头躺着沙发，轻笑开口：“我都不知道，我的举动让你承受那么大的痛苦。”
jessica偏头不说话，晸佑慢慢收起笑容，皱眉摇头。
“其实我总说我不值得你喜欢，你以为我是摆脱你才故意这么说。”
jessica转头看着他，抿起嘴角眯着眼睛：“难道不是吗？”
晸佑笑着摆手：“别这么看着我，我没说谎。因为不止一次有人这么评价我，除了对待泰妍以外，不管男人女人，不管亲属还是亲故，我都很自我，很随xìng地考虑自己，不太顾及别人。”
慢慢坐起，晸佑看着她的眼睛：“我第一次对一个人愧疚，就是你。我没想过让任何人为了成全我，替我承担什么，如果一定要如此，我希望是冷漠的互换。但是你的退出，强行斩断关系，让我很自责，也很讨厌那样的我，让一个不喜欢说话不喜欢解释喜欢放空冷着脸的女孩替我背负。”
“我想要的从来不是你的自责和感激。”
jessica突然开口，眼泪也不由自主流出来：“我也不是为了你。而是为我自己。”
抹掉眼泪，jessica摇头开口：“注定你没法属于我，我缠着你只会更难过。为什么还要紧抓着不放？”
突然站起，jessica指着他气愤叫着：“可是你这算什么？当我离开的时候，你又打电话说那样的话，还打李东海因为我和他曾经交往过的传闻。就一定要折磨我吗？一定要这样？”
晸佑看着她，就这么看着。不一会突然笑起来，而且越笑越大声。
Jessica张大嘴愣在那，半响突然咬牙上前捶着他的胸口：“让你笑！让你笑！！”
晸佑承受着她的拍打，好一会才摇头停下，攥着她的手腕，看着她哽咽地样子和哭红的眼睛，轻叹口气，给她擦着眼泪。
“以为你多聪明，原来还是那么pa波一样。”
Jessica头：“我是傻，明知道不可能，还要忍不住去想你。”
晸佑揉着她的头，不一会突然给她一个爆栗。
“呀。”
jessica揉着头用力推他一下，晸佑躺在沙发上，看着天花板，不一会轻声开口说出的话，让jessica既惊讶，又有些不知所措。
“所以才怕和你纠缠上，因为不知道什么时候开始……发现对你已经不再只是自责了。”
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