番外:降魔十二
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“宾果!”悟空打了一个响指:“又回到了老套路,当命中注定成就一番大事业的英雄人物,应该如何迎来他命运的转折呢?”
“死女人!”拉米尔·汗如是说。
“当一个走到尽头的爱情故事,该如何收获自己的结局呢?”悟空又问。
安倍晴明抢答道:“死女人!”
“当一个执迷不悟,执着男女之情,就差那么一点点的大乘弟子,如何领悟佛法真谛,天降大任与斯人呢?”
魔术师感慨道:“死女人!”
“所以,大家都看出来了。但事情发展到这个地步,段小姐……她的命运已经不言自明,这时候最好的结果应该是我杀了段小姐,然后你来降服我,对不对?”悟空往轮回者两边问去,轮回者们心里无语道:“话都被你说完了,我们还说什么?”
“不对,剧情都被你剧透完了!那事情应该如何发展啊啊啊!”轮回者们的内心有些抓狂。
“现在问题是……”悟空双手合十:“如来的套路已经被我拆穿了!还怎么西天取经呢?”
陈玄奘不解道:“孙先生说的我有些迷糊……为什么要西天取经呢?”
“那是灵山筹划数千年的面子工程,是如来主导政治工作。”悟空看着陈玄奘道:“现在听我说了那么多,你对如来,有没有那么一点点的不满呢?”
陈玄奘摇头道:“我不知道你说的是真是假,如果是真,那么也是我佛需要我做出一份牺牲,一定是为了世间的大爱无疆。我不会怨愤憎恨什么!”
“唉!”悟空叹息道:“天地何用?不能席被,风月何用?不能饮食。纤尘何用?万物其中,变化何用?道法自成。面壁何用?不见滔滔,棒喝何用?一头大包。生我何用?不能欢笑,灭我何用,不减狂骄。从何而来?同生世上,齐乐而歌,行遍大道……”
看着不解的陈玄奘,悟空叹息道:“总有一天,你会明白我的话。然后和我一起,再唱这首歌!”
说罢,就面向莲花而座,对背后的陈玄奘道:“我会助你降服猪妖的。但降服猪妖之后,就是你直面的命运之时……”
悟空一边妆模作样,一边心里狂呼无量天尊,终于接通了陈昂,对陈昂道:“师父,这个陈玄奘简直就是个泥胎木偶,被佛法调教的温良驯服的玩意儿!我都说到这里了。他还是一副理解的样子,我觉得就算他死女人,也未必会入魔啊!”
“师父,这种痴人劝不动的。你还是放弃这个想法吧!”
陈昂道:“悟空,你要继续努力。为师相信你可以的,让他拜你为师,为师连他的法号都想好了。要叫他三葬,葬天葬地葬苍生。”
“如来那厮,诓你取经当苦力,现在我也要把他的弟子骗过来,给你当徒弟,向我取经。为师一定要为你出了那口气……若是如来那厮还要强行推动取经大业,你就把三藏真经直接公布了。我看他还取个屁啊!”
那边魔术师却在心里打鼓,一边觉得剧情发展实在太过诡异,特别是孙悟空,太古怪了!让他有些忐忑不安,另一边是成本投入太大,已经到了他输不起的地步。只好硬着头皮走下去,对陈玄奘说道。
“玄奘法师,如今有孙悟空的承诺,那么降服猪妖,就不再是一个难题了。想要降服猪妖,就要引诱它过来。你应该已经知道,猪妖依然深爱着他的妻子——高翠兰。我现在把他们的故事跟你说一遍,等一会引来猪妖,我会用照妖镜封印他的魔性,还是由你,进入他的梦境,借机点化他,使他重回人性。”
“我觉得其中的关键,还是朱刚鬣依旧深爱着高翠兰这件事。”
“那么应该如何把猪妖引过来呢?”
“猪妖最喜欢在月光下,看他的妻子跳舞,他还写过一首词给他的妻子。所以我们要找一个美女,在月光下,伴着这首词来跳舞,这样猪妖必定踏月而来。”
“魔术师大师,你觉得我怎么样?”陈玄奘宽衣解带,撩起骚来。
魔术师鼓掌道:“不错不错,陈先生骚起来,就没有女人什么事了!这样,我叫人给你打扮一下……”
这一次,没有悟空打扰,段小姐的戏份惨被剪,女装大佬陈玄奘正式上线。
轮回者都是见过世面的人,诸如女装什么的,都见多了,安倍找来一个泰国的轮回者,将陈玄奘打扮一番,旁边庄俾梵忍不住去找魔术师道:“这样干,是不是有些不妥?还有,你说的卷帘大将起源任务呢?为什么我们只是在他的记忆里,被孙悟空给揍了一顿。”
“不要着急,一切还在掌握之中。”魔术师依旧神神秘秘的道。
“而且朱刚鬣是个重口味,说不定这样子,它反而更加喜欢呢?”
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