第一百三十一章 食神
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胖子变色道:“信不信饿炒你鱿鱼?”胖子以前在街边花三块钱就能吃一碗好面,结果今天手下的御厨当着我们的面给他丢了人,所以有点挂不住了。
包子在边上说:“简单的很,你就把他跟鸡蛋一起炒。”
厨子机械地点了两下头,表情呆滞。显然是啥也不明白,要不就是担心秦始皇真把他炒了——皇上说炒,那就肯定得搁在锅里一丝不苟地炒,这关系到君无戏言的事情,虽然以前光听说过油炸。
包子不落忍。挽起袖子说:“行了行了。我来吧,你好好学着啊。”
秦始皇和二傻还有李斯一个搬个凳子坐在桌旁。举着竹筷子眼巴巴地往这边看着。
那位秦朝食神把包子要的东西都准备好以后又匍匐在地上,汗流满面,包子看他一眼道:“起来学,你那样能学到什么,学步法啊?”
包子一边切西红柿一边看着食神给她准备地平底锅还有简单的几样调料说:“做饭得上心,别光知道瞎凑合。”
我在旁边起哄道:“好好听着,能得郑王亲自传授,你小子运气太好了。”食神更加拘谨,包子看看案上那雪白一片的油,随即醒悟道:“哦,你们这设备不行,我还以为你欺骗消费者呢——没有素油荤油也凑合。”
包子边切柿子边说:“咦,对了,我还是郑王呢。”
秦始皇笑眯眯地说:“摸油(没有)问题。”
我开玩笑说:“我们家包子还是大司马呢。”
胖子忽然尴尬道:“这个……也摸油问题。”
包子问:“大司马干什么的呀?”
我说:“相当于国防部长。跟我在宋朝那兵马大元帅差不多,反正是你手往哪指,全国的枪都往哪打。”
包子兴奋得手一松,打了一摞瓦罐,我叫道:“你个败家娘们儿,这把你卖了也赔不起。”这可是秦朝瓦罐啊!
包子轻蔑一笑:“老娘现在是国防部长,除了胖子你们都老实点!”
食神脸上的汗珠子更大了……
我看看嬴胖子的脸色,笑道:“跟你开玩笑呢,还真能让个女人当大司马?”
我知道他不是不舍得让包子当这个官,可现在秦国的大司马还是王翦当着呢。这要无缘无故的给老王免了职,再加上让一个女人当大司马,还不定出什么乱子呢,战国那会地人心眼都小,经常为了一句话就要死要活地,王翦要造了反,那包子不是成了红(?)颜祸水了吗,人家褒姒当年就是祸祸,可没想着自己挑担子干点什么。
秦始皇道:“社(说)话要算捏么,王翦回来饿就让他交虎符。”
我知道这事总算是交代过去了。包子手脚麻利地炒好菜,煮好面,先拌了一小碗(秦时已有)端给那个厨子道:“你先尝尝。以后就照这个味道做。”
厨子端着这碗郑王加大司马给他盛的面,就见皇上一个劲拿眼睛瞪他,幸亏这小子机灵,双手捧着举过头顶献到了面色阴沉的秦始皇面前,胖子这才转嗔为喜,但他没直接吃,而是端给了一边地荆轲,荆轲又挪给了李斯,李斯见有外人的情况下这俩人还这么客气,感动道:“这怎么行。还是请皇上先用。”
胖子一侧身拽出个鼎来:“饿用这个……”
最后嬴胖子再一次展示了他气吞山河的肠胃,把一锅面都给吃了……
为了可持续发展,那位食神还是被赏赐了一点汤喝,意思是让他以后就照这个味道做,该厨子以后因为会做西红柿鸡蛋面。格外得帝赏识。
胖子吸溜完面,擦着额头上的汗跟我和包子说:“你们也吃么。”
我和包子:“……不用了,我们刚吃完烤全羊。”
吃完饭,秦始皇轻车熟路地把游戏机接起来,电视屏幕一亮。手法极其娴熟地调出30个人来玩上了。
我无语。标准的昏君啊,除了吃就是玩。不理朝政,法出无度,我小心道:“嬴哥,咱先说正事吧。”
胖子操纵着屏幕上的战士几个s跳躲过散漫地子弹,打下一个火焰吃了,聚精会神地说:“撒四(啥事)?”
我:“……说说修长城和修地宫的事,焚书坑儒你就不用干了。”
秦始皇这才放下游戏机转过来:“撒意思?”
胖子的二小子胡亥一眼看见游戏机,欢呼一声坐下玩了起来。
我跟嬴胖子把点子表的事说了一遍,胖子摸着下巴道:“歪(那)饿知道咧,长城和皇陵已经在修咧,六国一灭,看来饿就摸油(没有)什么四(事)干咧。”
我纳闷道:“怎么都修上了?”
胖子一挥手:“早完早算么,现在修丝(时)间还富裕,反正饿死那天修好就行,不用那么劳民伤财,也就丝(是)人手有点紧——不过饿还给他们发工资捏。”
我眼睛一湿,谁说秦始皇残暴,眼前这胖子多厚道啊?
可是下一秒,我就眼睁睁看着胖子一屁股把小胡亥扛飞,抢过游戏机自己玩了起来,嘴里还念念有词:“碎娃(小孩)包(不要)乱发(耍)么,你现在当紧地任务是肖(学)习捏!”
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