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透桓鑫薇认炝恋耐夂拧艽舐俊?br/>

外貌既英俊又潇洒的周工程师,却经常为一些毫无意义的、鸡毛蒜皮般的琐事与邻居或者同事们争得面红耳赤,甚至大打出手,搞得四邻不安,鸡飞狗跳,孩子哭、大人叫。龙腾小说网ltxs520.com然而,我们的周大工程师则是乐此不疲,与人斗是周大工程师的最爱。如果实在没有对手与之相斗时,烦闷之余的周大驴便与自己的老婆斗。

“x你妈!”

“……”

寂静的深夜里,隔三差五便会从幽暗如冥界的小走廊里传来周大驴夫妇两人凶狠的、但却是极其单调的对骂声,把我从甜美的梦乡中惊醒。可是骂来骂去,直至骂到红彤彤的太阳已经出来值班,周大驴夫妇两人所使用过的词汇永远都是:“x你妈”这三个字。

“唉,他们还会不会骂点别的什么呢!”被吵醒的爸爸翻转一下身体,没好气地嘟囔道。没有,从来没有,周大驴夫妇俩人不知疲倦地对骂了数十载,直至从丰华正茂骂到白苍苍,最后,终于将老婆骂进了骨灰盒,然而,他们所使用的词汇,除了“x你妈!”这个三字而外,从来没有使用过任何新的词汇,也许这三个字是国粹的原缘吧!

“x你妈!”

“……”

周大驴的小儿子与我年龄相仿,有其父便有其子,周大驴的这个小儿子,在宿舍楼里以刁顽、阴损而路人皆知,人送外号周扒皮。

偶尔,我也会溜到周大驴家里与他的小儿子周扒皮游戏玩耍。那是一个死亡般沉闷的家庭,那是一个让人窒息的家庭。

在昏暗的、潮湿的,充溢着令人返胃的异臭气味地房间里,周大驴叼着呛人的大烟袋,戴着污浊的近视镜,煞有介事地翻阅着一本又一本即厚且重的书籍,而对面的墙壁则用木板钉成天然的大书架,从地板直至高耸的天棚,毫无规则地摆放着成山的书籍,许多书籍周大驴大概永远也没有翻动过,如砖的书籍上积着厚重的灰尘,散着剌鼻的酸腐味。

“哼哼,”一生也没有寻觅到知音,永远也没有将自己沤心研究出来的采金船技术成功地推广出去的周大驴,看见我坐到他的椅子旁,他悠然地转过宽阔的脊背,拉着老驴脸,将沉甸甸的档案袋推到我的面前:“小家伙,你知道吗,这是我研究出来的新技术,……”

“嗯,”我怯生生地点点头:“是的,我听爸爸说起过你,……”

“啊——,”听到我的话,周大驴的驴脸顿然一亮,闪过一丝得意的光芒,他兴奋得像个孩子似地打开了档案袋,掏出一叠又一叠的图纸,以及天书般的文字材料,如数家珍,喋喋不休地冲我讲述起来,直听得我如入五里雾中。

“哎呀呀,”周扒皮的妈妈,周大驴的黄脸老婆冲着兴奋得浑身直打冷战的周大驴没好气地嘀咕道:“哎呀呀,哎呀呀,我看你是不是有病啊,病得还不轻呐,无论见到谁,都要没完没了地讲你的采金船,这不,跟这个还没有豆腐高的小x小子你也要唠叨唠叨,就像他能听懂似的,你烦不烦啊,……”

“我乐意,”周大驴像驴一般地冲着黄脸婆吼叫起来:“我乐意,用不着你管!x你妈!”

“哼,”黄脸婆自讨没趣,满腹的怨气无处可泄,一转脸,看到身旁的周扒皮,立刻冲着无辜的儿子泄起来:“快点吃!”,周扒皮的黄脸妈妈不耐烦地催促着,周扒皮端着一碗冷冰冰的面条,在黄脸妈妈恶毒的谩骂声中,狼吞虎咽地往嘴里拨塞着。

我偷偷地瞅了瞅周大驴的黄脸老婆,我的老天爷啊,我的妈妈哟,不瞅则已,这一瞅,我吓点没吐出来。

周大驴的黄脸老婆那臃肿的身躯活象一头叫春的老母猪,那一脸厚厚的赘肉显露着无比邪恶的神情,圆鼓鼓的小眼睛闪着阴森森的、仇视一切的目光,当她挪动着笨拙的身体时,立刻传过来一股股令人呕吐的骚臭气味。我至今也无法想象我们可怜的周大驴是如何与他母夜叉般的黄脸老婆共同生活的,更让我百思不得其解的是,他们居然生出了那多的孩子。

母夜叉的婆婆,亦就是周大驴的母亲因不堪忍受儿媳妇的虐待而跳楼自杀,鉴于此,母夜叉不得不在监狱里反省了数载,尽管她很不喜欢那个地方。亦因为这个缘故,宿舍楼里的人们都叫她“大罪犯”。

有一次,我不知道为什么得罪了周扒皮,两个人在走廊里撕打起来,母夜叉闻讯赶来,一把将我推翻在地,她恶狠狠地冲着我吼叫道:“杂种操的,看你再敢打给我的儿子,老娘剜掉你的眼睛、打断你的狗腿!”

“哼,我说,你还有完没完啊,”黄脸老婆冲着满嘴泛着唾沫星子的周大驴嚷嚷道:“得啦,得啦,别讲了,耳朵都听出硬茧来了!”

“我乐意,x你妈!”

“x你妈!”

“……”

母夜叉伸着长长的脖子,像只好斗的母鸡似地每骂一句便非常可笑往前凑拢一下,再骂一句再往前凑拢一下,而周大驴亦不甘示弱,他扯着青筋暴起的脖颈,两个人在屋子中央掐脖抱腰地对峙着,那极其滑稽的场景活象是两只狂斗着的母鸡和公鸡,而周扒皮对此却视而不见,若无其事地继续埋头囫囵吞枣。

“x你妈!”

“……”

“行啦,行啦,你们有完还是没完啊!”周大驴的大女儿,一个已经上中学的女孩子在旁边极不耐烦地嚷嚷起来。

“关你屁事,一边去,滚!”周大驴又将锋芒转向了女儿:“x你妈!”

“x你妈!”被周大驴无端侮骂的大女儿索性亦加入到父母的对骂大阵之中。

“x你妈!”

“……”

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